Day 109: Deep Into Your Bones

Of all the days of the art project, today has been the day I most wanted to be excused from making art. Being on a jury has been emotionally draining in its own right, and this evening, my husband and I had a long talk about recognizing old emotional pain and not giving energy to it. As we’re both reading “The Power of Now”, it was a good thing to go over, but I was just tired afterwards. Ruminating on the death-grip of emotion and ego, I dragged my feet into the studio and found words that seemed to fit…

Then I flipped on Pandora radio and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Runaway” started up. With a haunting melody and lyrics like “I was feeling sad/Can’t help looking back”, I had to smile at how perfectly it seemed to match the conversation we’d had.  I’d been remembering the person I was several years ago, struggling with depression but recognizing that I’m not a sad person at my core. I remember the frustration, the desire to find some place away from myself. Karen O. crooned on and I wrote some of the chorus onto the canvas: “Run, run, run away/ Lost, lost, lost my mind” and smeared it down with acrylic medium while the ink was wet.

I stared at the canvas and wondered what to do next. Power of Now covers the association of ego with identity, among other things, and thinking of identity, I decided to add my handprint to the piece. After some yellow and orange, I was done. Honestly, I don’t really like this finished product, but considering the smears of emotion that are in it for me, I don’t know if that’s an objective evaluation. The time spent making the art certainly alleviated some stress, as it always does, and for that I’m thankful.