Day 33

Even though I had hours to work on drawings at the hospital while I waited for news from the surgical team, I couldn’t focus. I called my husband this morning to give him an update on mom’s status and he sounded terrible. I could tell something was wrong. Turned out that his office is struggling financially and implemented a reduction in force today that included him.  I lost my job on Friday, and he lost his on the following Tuesday.

I stood there in front of the window near the waiting room staring out at nothing, trembling. Suddenly the cold, linoleum, sick-people-smelling hallway was even colder. I am a worrier by nature. I’d been able to keep the major worrying at bay since Rob had this great job with good pay that he was doing well at. And it wasn’t his fault, and I knew that. I looked out into the endless gray of the bay and saw my art dreams dissipate into the damp, colorless air.

I told him I would get another job right away.  He said he didn’t want me to, that he would find something, that I could keep trying to make things happen with my project. I let him know that even if I did go back to work soon I would still keep up with the project, and said those words we all say at times like these- it will be okay- even though we have no idea how we’ll make good on that promise.

Time ticked away, slowly, painfully, and eventually mom was out of anaesthesia and feeling a little better. We left her resting in the hospital overnight. Even though I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep, I headed out with my camera in my hometown. The City Hall where I got the business license for painting murals as a 16-year old loomed, stoic and silent and dark- except for a gorgeous stained glass mosaic. It’s a column of beautiful backlit rainbow colors. I parked and set the camera to its no-flash setting and took a few shots.

I’d like to say that today’s piece, this photograph, symbolizes a lesson I’m trying to learn- that even when it’s dark and gloomy, there are still beautiful, bright bits of light out there if you look for them. The cynical side of me does not share this perspective, but I’m about to drown my sorrows in pie, which is effective in silencing both the optimist and pessimist within me.

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Day 33

  1. NeatnixDesign says:

    Hey Mariann,

    So sorry to hear about your Mom and your hubby. I’ve got my fingers crossed that he can find something, or you can find something. I do hope you can continue with this project, I really enjoy reading about it each day and I’m amazed at how much you accomplish each time 🙂

    You’re inspiring, and you need to know that.

    Sarah

    Like

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words and support, Sarah & slamdunk. Hanging in there and forcing ourselves to remain positive will hopefully improve things soon. Hope you guys are doing well. 🙂

    Like

  3. Kristi White says:

    NO Marianne?!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I’m SO sorry to hear this! I agree with Sarah .. you are truly inspirational and only good things happen to people like you! Hang in there … my fingers are crossed too (something will happen for you guys and soon) just keep positive thoughts … sending good vibes your way.
    -Kristi

    Like

  4. Rein says:

    I am really sorry about the news Marys. Although all of this really sucks I know that good things are coming your way. They always do 🙂 Rob has great experience and is REALLY great at what he does. You can do anything! The picture is amazing too!
    You are definitely the most talented and beautiful soul I know 🙂 and hottest cherry bomb redhead 😉 Hey at least Chester gets to spend more time with Mom and Dad now too. I know he is happy lol.

    Like

  5. Craftyforyou says:

    I am so sorry, fingers toes and paws crossed for a quick recovery for your Mom. Hubby finds the perfect right well paying job with easy to work with people and a great company that appreciates his talents. You work on your project. Sending healing energy to you all, hugs and sloppy dog kisses from the boys.

    Like

  6. Mireille says:

    Hey M, beautifully written. Times are tough but you’ve got to know that it will all get better. Time to reinvent yourself! You are sharp, beautiful, witty, fun, and have such a great outlook on life. For this, I am fortunate that we are somehow connected to this wacky universe.

    Like

  7. bluebicicletta says:

    I love this photograph—what amazing colors and patterns. I’m so glad that you went out and made art on such a horrible day. I know me saying I’m sorry about your husband’s job doesn’t do anything to remedy the situation. That is just amazingly shitty. There’s nothing else to say about it. I just know something is going to work out, and I really do believe that from the absolute crumbiest situation you can find something completely new and amazing. I know it’s hard to believe, sometimes I don’t even believe it myself, but I’m saying a little prayer.

    Like

    • Thank you, Nicole! I was actually pretty happy with this photo. Yes, I’m freaked out about this and it does suck, but crying about it won’t help, so I’m just trying to channel all the positive vibes you wonderful people are sending us and hoping things pick up soon! I know you’ve got your own struggles and hope you’re doing well.

      Like

  8. Auntie Kasey says:

    My dear niece…about 8 years ago I was going through a terrible time in my life. You gave me a plant with a swirly piece of metal sticking out of it with a laminated quote tucked inside the swirls. “Though difficulties may still lie ahead, whoever perseveres with love will someday find that everything has turned out for the best.” -Franz Jagerslatter I read this quote often and it brings me strength and a sense of warmth that it is from you. You have what it takes to persevere my love and from this you too will grow and feel strength. How lovely on such a sucky day with fear and worry that you can write with grace and bring art forward. That is true love. I love you!

    Like

    • I love you too Auntie Kasey!!! I’m so glad that has stayed with you, and what a beautiful bit of inspiration for you to be able to remind me of those same words. I hope I don’t sound like a whiny suckhole over here, because I know there are so many people going through struggles of their own that are worse. Sometimes life is a bowl of cherries, and other times it’s the pits, right? 🙂 Thanks for being there.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s